Here’s the thing: most of our goals are borrowed. We see people celebrating promotions, traveling, showing off new cars- and we unconsciously adopt their version of success. We forget to ask: Is this mine?
In chasing others’ highlight reels, we end up raising the bar for our own happiness. Not because we want to suffer. But because we start chasing someone else’s marks.
Three Patterns of Borrowed Happiness
1. Choosing the wrong goals
What makes someone else happy might not do it for you. But we only find that out after years of trying to live their dream.
2. Expecting happiness from temporary wins
A promotion, a new gadget, a trip- they feel amazing for a moment. Then they feel normal. We go back to scrolling, hunting for the next fix.
3. Postponing present joy for future rewards
We tell ourselves, “I’ll be happy when I get X.” That means everything else in the meantime feels lesser. We set conditions on our happiness and wait.
What It Looks Like to Stop Borrowing Happiness
- Ask: Which goals feel alien to me? Write down the ones you truly care about.
- Practice gratitude for small moments today, not only after big wins.
- Redefine success by your own values, not what impresses others.
- Let your goals grow, change, or fade- they don’t have to feel locked in forever.
Maybe the question isn’t “What will make me happy?” but “What’s stopping me from being okay right now?” Sometimes the barrier isn’t external- it’s the stories we tell ourselves about not being enough.
Let’s stop borrowing other people’s happiness. Let’s start building yours.